“There is a lot of water backed up on her brain with no obvious reason”. No obvious reason. We had an answer, but we didn’t have an answer. But gosh was I so very thankful for this doctor working quickly to get me the results and moving on behalf of Addie. He said he had already made a call to a colleague (both are part of the Texas Tech Physicians network) who was a very “busy guy” but he wanted to see Addie the next day and our tentative time was around noon. We hung up with the expectation that I would be getting a phone call the next morning and if I didn’t, I was supposed to call the ophthalmologist’s office back. Finally, someone else felt the urgency that we had for weeks now. It was June 15th, and our appointment with the other neurologist…remember the appointment we kept just in case we needed to see who we felt more comfortable with…was also coming up in two days. This was perfect because we were going to see them back-to-back, have “a comfortable feeling” with one, and get crackin’ on the situation.
The next morning, the phone call came confirming us to arrive a bit before noon at the neurologist’s office. We drove across town, found the parking designated for the building that was on the same property as the hospital, and made our way to the elevators. Shawn had met us there since he was working. We filled out all the paperwork, was escorted to an exam room and there we met him. The man with the scariest words we’d ever heard, but also the best ones as well.
“She could go to sleep and not wake up.”
He walked through the MRI with us in words and terminology as well as visuals we could understand. I really appreciated his ability to explain having been an educator myself and since we weren’t fluent in brain, we needed all the help we could get. He said they couldn’t tell from imaging what caused the fluid to back up, but it didn’t happen suddenly. (they COULD tell this from imaging) He went through some scenarios of how to get the fluid to drain, both required surgery. One strategy was more invasive, and he wouldn’t know until he was IN HER BRAIN which option was best. There were so many words going on. So many. He asked how we were feeling, and if we felt urgency as far as how soon we should do the surgery. I don’t remember how we responded, but I’m thinking we gave the decision to him. As he ran his flattened hand on the top of the counter (you know the one, there is always one with cabinets above and cabinets below in an exam room) slowly to the edge he explained how her brain had compensated from getting pushed and shoved around from all of the extra fluid, but the headaches, optic nerve swelling, and night sweats were letting us know the brain was nearing the edge of the counter. His hand stopped at the edge as he revealed the incompetency of the imaging to show just how close the brain was to the edge, but said he felt it was too close and one resulting scenario was that she’d go to sleep and not wake up. The silence hung in the room for what seemed like for forever but really all the words kept coming. Words like,
“We are going to admit her tonight and do surgery first thing in the morning”.
THESE kinds of words, words that catch you off guard and take a bit to process only there were no bits to be given! But also, “Do you believe in Jesus? Because I do and that’s how I know everything is going to be alright.” His words lead to a sweet conversation God placed right in the middle of big and scary. He explained that he had placed his trust in Jesus just about a year ago, during the height of crazy with covid. Not only did his testimony put our hearts at ease, but gosh…the boldness to share Christ from wherever we stand was a lesson in all of this as well. God is really great at teaching with visuals too! We continued to listen to all the words he was telling his nurse who was trying to set up the surgery. Words we normally wouldn’t hear, but because this was all happening fast and right now…we were hearing it all. It was still the covid era that we were living in, and the nurse checked to find out there were no beds and like 11 patients waiting ahead of her. He calmly stated it didn’t matter, she would get in, this was urgent. We left expecting to have all afternoon and into the evening to pack and get things squared away, but we had barely gotten home before the call came for us to return. God had made a way.
Somewhere in all of this, because it really became a blur, Shawn pointed out the side of the parking garage where we had parked. “Gracious Lord, for all of UMC I pray your divine protection over them, guidance within them, and provision for them daily. – Reverend Wendell Davis. Firm, not fearful.” God was showing up at every turn, his faithfulness in full force and being detected by our weary hearts. He was whispering, I’m here. I’ve got this. And He did.
I never once that day felt the urgency to pray from a place of fear as I had prior to this day. God’s peace was carrying me, and I could see it in Addie. She wasn’t scared of anything…other that the possibility that something would hurt. I hope you giggled because I did. She was staring down brain surgery and she was worried about some pain. You know, when David arrived at the battlefield to take some food and check on his brothers, he was questioning who Goliath was and what would be done for the man who destroyed him. David asked, “Who is this uncircumcised Philistine that he should defy the armies of the living God?” To him it was easy as that. David knew it, and who did this giant think he was coming against God. On June 16th last summer, we were David. The doctor was David. And God was God.
(Oh…and we cancelled the other neurologist appointment. We decided we were comfortable where we were at. I think the phone call went something like this…in a super over the top sweet but also condescending tone “Ummmm, yeeeeesss, I need to cancel the appointment scheduled for Addie Wilson tomorrow. Yeeesss, she’s having brain surgery so she can’t come.” Just kidding of course, but I’d be a liar if I said that there wasn’t a part of me that wanted to let them know that her situation was indeed dire, and they had put her off and lost her referral one too many times so now somebody else gets her. Take that you bunch of doctors. My flesh. It’s always trying to get in the way.)
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