God, here I go. No…here WE go.
As I began to type, these words entered my mind with expectancy and excitement but were drenched heavily in this scares my pants off. I’ve always been confident in what I’ve chosen to do whether it was selling health and wellness products or teaching kindergarteners how to read. A doctor I worked for in college once told me I did everything 110%, and he was correct. I’ll admit it and walk in that pair of Prada heels. I bring the “extra” with me in whatever I do. But not this. Hearing my nails collide with the keyboard on my laptop as my thoughts flow through my fingertips, I cannot possibly be ME here in this space. This was not my idea, and so far out of my wheelhouse I feel like a fish trying to climb a tree.
A few days ago, God addressed that tree. Standing tall beside an ocean of perceived success, its branches loomed and cast a very dark shadow. I knew that tree was where God was calling me, but I couldn’t face how the abrasive bark was certain to feel up against my skin. The waves had already forced me in close, but I just couldn’t grab hold.
Instead, I distracted myself.
I sank into the ripples of other lives. Lives filled with adorable babies, new puppies, smiles, friends, and vacations big and small. From a self-professed lover of fashion, I’ll have to admit it was the window shopping that was the biggest thief of my time. Hours could disappear as I watched try-ons, hauls and chased links to figure out where to buy it all. There are beautiful homes to live in and decorate, and then remodel when the trends change. While many can dive deep into these waters and ride the current without incident, for me it was my distraction until I began to feel the waters rush over me and pull me under.
My dear friend reminded me to get back to the last thing God told me to do.
Climb the tree. That was it. Just like Peter in the book of Matthew, I had taken my eyes off Jesus, looked around, and began to sink. I had floated so far in my distraction that the echo of him nudging me to construct my thoughts…actually, His words…and share them with others could barely be heard over the sound of the waves. Waves full of fancy and fun things that I don’t possess but need in order to captivate a following, or so my distraction told me. Then Jesus whispered; I am all you need. And just like that I could breathe without my lungs filling with water. He IS my remodel! It’s him and what he does in my life. I DO have something beautiful to share with the world, even if “the world” is just a few of my closest friends who out of obligation follow along. Bless them.
As I made my way back to the tree, exhausted from fighting the waves, the shadow didn’t seem so dark. In fact, Jesus reminded me of Psalm 91:1 “Whoever dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty”. It was his shadow and not the tree’s that I was seeing, and he was calling me to rest there.
Satan is really good at distractions, but God is great at mercy and grace.
As for the tree…Jesus knows best about trees and how harsh they can be rubbing up against our humanity especially when we are broken and weary. He conquered his tree and I’m confident he will carry this fish out of water and show me how to climb.
Want to chat about this entry? Contact me here.
